bod After 30 Years My Mother Walks Back Into My Life

After 30 Years My Mother Walks Back Into My Life

Posted by Debra Carmona on 13 September 2013 | Add a Comment

For most of my life I had dreamed or imagined how different my life might have been if I had known my real mother. So in my imaginations of what I thought a mother should be I formed an image of the ideal mother. After thinking she was dead for over thirty years and then now to have her walk back into my life unexpectedly was such a shocker.  I questioned will she live up to my imagined expectations or will the reality be just another disappointment?

TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona

TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona

TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona

TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona

TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona

TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona

TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona

Story as aired on TV ABC15 Phoenix, Arizona



Here is Part 1 of the full story.

After 30 years Thinking My Mother Was Dead She Walks Back Into My Life


Having so little contact with my birth mother during my childhood years and then her mysterious disappearance when I was at the age of 21 I never really expected to ever see her again. No one in the family had had any contact with her for over 30 years. All of our searches and inquiries gave us no clues whatsoever as to what happened to her. For years all we had were more questions than answers and so much mystery surrounding our mother’s disappearance so we all assumed she must be dead.

Betty LuckichI had long since given up the possibility that I should ever know my real mother. On February 15th, 2013 I returned home after a day of teaching Art. Sat down in my usual chair, turned on my computer, and logged into Facebook. There was a friend request from my mother. What? I looked at the tiny photo. It sure looks like her. She had aged but it looked like her. Could this be real? No way, I thought. She is dead. We had not heard a single word from her all this time how could she be alive and return to my siblings and I. Yet there it was staring me in the face a Facebook friend request. Thus, began our reunion with our birth mother. Finally we could ask all those questions we had hoped to ask and learn the other side of the story.


Shotgun Wedding Large Family
 Mom & Dad ~ Bridal Shower
My Grandparents with their children

Unplanned Pregnancy ~ A Rough Begining

When my 16 year old mother became pregnant her parents already had their own struggles trying to meet the needs of 10 children of their own. My grandfather was a weekend alcoholic.  Some men after working a full week somehow think they have earned the right to party on the weekends. Was it there way to unwind from a busy work week, or to escape the realities and responsibilities waiting for them at home, or did earning a paycheck give them a right to celebrate?Lilian G. Bradburry I do not understand how men think they can afford to splurge on themselves over the weekend when they have a wife and several children at home that need food and other basic needs.  Do men think that women are not working when they have a houseful of children to feed, clean, teach, and discipline, not to mention all the housework duties? Do men think women’s work is easy? The bulk of the family duties fell on the back of my sweet grandmother who never complained but kept her pain to herself. She lived with his abuse for many years but she kept on dutifully serving her husband and children the best she knew how and sometimes that meant going to the bar to find her husband to get some money for groceries before he wasted too much of it. On Sundays she took the children to Sunday School. It wasn’t until after her husband’s death many years later that she could feel free to be herself and the smile returned to her face.


I Was a Child of Rape ~ Date Rape

My grandparents had already given up two children to adoption. So when my mother became pregnant they did not want the added burden to fall on them so they forced my Mother to marry.  My My Mother & Imother did not want to marry my father, she felt violated by him because he had forced himself on her after they had been dating for about six months. Having no moral compass in his character I suppose my father thought he had a right to take her.  When he took advantage of her vulnerability and naivety she stopped seeing him but it wasn’t long before her grandmother detected the symptoms of a pregnancy and alerted her parents. So, at age 16 with only an eighth grade education and no job experience my mother had been forced into a marriage she did not want because of an unplanned pregnancy resulting in my birth.

I had known from the dates of my parents wedding and that of my birth that I was illegitimately conceived. My grandmother had given me a small collection of old family photos of which contained a photo with both my parents. They were dressed up for a special event that looked more like a baby shower with my parents standing behind a table with gifts. In actuality it was a bridal shower. She did not wear the traditional white wedding gown. She had on a spring print dress that she had sewn herself and her face was solemn but as lovely as a porcelain doll. She explained that solemn face as feeling sick from the pregnancy which is common in the first trimester. The photo reveals my mother’s belly rounding out from the pregnancy. I did not know the whole story then but later learned the details leading up to the marriage that did not even last four years.


My siblings & I
 I am the tallest one in the back with my brother and two sisters

I Could Have Been Aborted


I did not learn that I was a child of rape until I was 52 years old. I am so thankful that abortion was taboo the year I was born. In 1960, unmarried parents and children suffered penalties ranging from confinement in isolated maternity homes to parental rejection and community disapproval. To be “illegitimate” was to be shamed and shunned and labeled as immoral.  In our modern day even those that do not support abortion would make exceptions for it in cases of rape on the basis that rape is a violent and rehensible crime against women. And she should not be expected to be burdened with the responsibility of a child that would be a constant reminder of the assault. The argument is that the child conceived from rape is also an aggressor against the woman’s personal life.  So killing the child is considered acceptable in such cases. Is that really considered civil? Does that mean that I do not deserve a chance at life?  Let me remind you that the child (me, in this case) was also the victim and even more innocent than my mother but also a viable life that wants the opportunity to live.

The year of my birth was 1960 thirteen years before the 1973 landmark decision of the U.S. Supreme Court which struck down many state laws restricting abortion. Since that case abortion has became popular and commonly accepted. According to the Center of Disease Control there have been 54.5 million plus abortions in the U.S. between the years 1973-2011. That translates to 234 abortions per every 1,000 live births. We are talking 1.2 million abortions per year, or 3,288 per day, 137 abortions per hour, 9 abortions every 4 minutes, or 1 abortion every 26 seconds. How many of those potential lives could have made a positive difference in today’s world? We shall never know because they were not given the chance at life.

Carmona Family 2013
The Carmona Family December 2013


I for one am so very happy to have been given the opportunity to live.  Had I been aborted there would not have been a marriage and my brother and two sisters would never have existed either. I have survived the troubles of my childhood, married a wonderful godly man who is good to me and we have raised six God fearing children and are now enjoying the blessings of grandchildren. I was given a great gift by my mother, I was given the gift of life. For that I am very grateful to her.



Read part 2


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